danceofflame_import: (Default)
And since this one is so long and in depth, I may just backdate this one at a later point.

I tend to write these each time I get new people on here because it just works better that way. (And sometimes shorter versions in between, but usually when peoples are added.) Everyone gets an updated “this is how my journal works”, new people can decide to run screaming while they still can, previously friended people can decide that they’ve had enough. Or, people can decide to stick around. I don’t so much like stickied posts because I really forget to update them. That’s actually why I hate profiles too, because I go “blah” at updating mine enough, buuut.

This is fairly long, but I suppose you can call this the local periodic admin post. Please read, especially if you are new, if you at all can brain it. If you don’t and your brains break from my journal, I’ll do my best to try and mend your brains…but I can’t be held responsible for you being surprised by what I write, because I’ve done my best to warn you and ultimately you walked into it ignoring the warnings.

Alrighty. So, what you’re walking into/have already walked into:

Long. Take a potty break, make some coffee, get a snack. Then come back and read this, pretty please. Admin post. )

That’s in no specific order. If you got through that whole thing in one go, have a plate of your favorite cookies. If you have any questions (or if you people who’ve been around a while and know me a bit more can think of something I’ve forgotten), talk and I’ll answer.

This is what’s on my journal, and while I’m willing to flex one way or the other a bit, and as mentioned perfectly willing to talk over issues with people and find middle ground/compromises if at all possible, it’s not going to sway too much, not outside of natural-progression-of-me. I do not filter any content but the content specifically regarding canon, so while I definitely use cuts, if you’re not interested in reading this, you have two options: don’t click the cuts and skip the entries, or leave. Sorry if that sounds callous, but it’s how it is.

If you’re new and you can’t brain this, or if you’re not new and you can’t brain it, go ahead and poof now, no hard feelings-just drop me an FYI that you’ve done so and why. It’s under the long!cut, but I figured it beared repeating outside of long!cut.

*edit* I make it a point not to cut people off my journal because of what company they hold, so long as my privacy is maintained. I also make it a point not to name drop. However, there is a certain person who used to room with me, who happens to be a rather prominent figure in the Otherkin community. I found out the hard way that she is not someone to be trusted, and I cannot afford, for the protection of my Network and myself, to allow anyone on my journal who is in contact with her. She is the one exception to my general rule of objectivity. Please don't be afraid to add me or to ask to be added, despite this. I never have issue with requests. I apologize for the scrutiny but at this point it is for my own safety, and that of my people.

-Ta’eris

danceofflame_import: (Default)
Life's been...interesting...on the other level. And I'm not talking only the war or the kids, either.

The hugest problems revolve around fronting. Which is part one. )

Here's the other thing though. Part two, isn't it fun? ...I want alchohol. u_u )

On the plus side, the boyfriend picked up some rather marvelous stone ground mustard...

-Ta'eris

danceofflame_import: (Firedancer)
Hey everyone. Sorry about randomly disappearing off the face of the planet for however long it was. I promise, it wasn't anything personal. I'm not quite ok yet, but I'm...getting there. And I'll be trying to get back up with this internet thing I've heard of. Might not be back into my "post every day or almost" swing of things immediately or even quickly, but I'll be trying to get back into it in whatever pace happens.

The first week I was gone, I was with Donn for the most part. I came back for an hour or few to check on the family back at the body, to reorient myself to here-time, all that jazz. But, three or four (five? I can't remember) days in my subconscious, still in shadow-work mode it seems, started taking advantage of there being peace and calm and quiet in my mind to fill the space with I think the nastiest shadow-work I've ever done. He tried for two or three days (this-world time) to get me back to where I was-resting and at peace-but ultimately that failed, and at the end of the first week the body had also had its fill of me being gone and fronting went all to shit. I really AM the grounding point for the Network. >_> Most if not all the fronters ended up squashed into a (really painful) cofront no matter what we did (and we did quite a bit to get around it), which in the end I finally managed to untangle and smooth out....but which burnt out everyone involved and actually injured the majority of us to some degrees. The next day I was too crapped out from that to front, so instead I kept inside the frontspace (or in an inactive cofronting seat, perhaps? I can't entirely remember), and some of the elves (actually, Kaelurien and his father are the two that I can remember, though there were two others) and [personal profile] silverblade  fronted. Their energy was all the front could take. [personal profile] aiden_firestar  offered to help front, but being a Jotun he had too much chaos in his energy for the front to handle without going boom like it had the day before. *wry grin* [personal profile] silverblade  was a sweetheart and helped me front during the anime-night that night, basically by letting me run the motions of the body and letting me watch the movies while fronting from the cofront, while he kept prime. Regarding our front, it means he gave me the benefit of the evening while actually being the one in main front.

After that I was home, and in front about 50% of the time, but dealing with the bunches of crap that my subconscious threw at me when I was up (out? Whatever) with Donn. As it turns out a lot of it had to do with my task for Silver. There was some of the nastier (and, unfortunately, still-raw) shit that happened to me that traumatized me to varying degrees, that affected my magic....it's some of the damage control He wants me doing. In the end it was way too much, and I was too much into it. It's why I disappeared on you guys after I came back home, and why the posts from my headmates mostly stopped. I was so overloaded I couldn't even take what I was taking, I couldn't even think about handling anyone else's lives, good or bad. It was more information, and that I couldn't handle without snapping. And that failed anyway-a few days ago I snapped, literally lost it. I had to ask Silver to pull me out of my own head, because I couldn't do it myself, and I'm not entirely sure how successful it was...but He did, I think.

Last night I had the worst flashback I've had in....fuck, weeks at least, months I think. I'd been full of barely-managed triggers for weeks as it was, last night it came to a head. And then right before I slept, after I was calmed enough to be able to re-take front (I had to leave it because I was pulling the body with me into the whole flashback thing), I find out one of my daughters was killed. One of my small ones, maybe 7 or 8. I...don't really bother with most notices of when anyone dies or is born unless they're a fronter, because it's frequent enough that I'd find it obnoxious and superfluous if I were reading my shit, but this matters in the scheme of things. 

(Now that I think about it, maybe I could also say that I was overdoing it in my ongoing work for Black. Or focusing too much in one area and not enough in the others? Ehhh, details, afterthoughts. I'm wearing the necklace I made Her, either way, just to recenter myself and remind myself who the hell I actually am despite all this shit I'm digging up and dealing with.)

I'm....as I said, not quite ok yet. I'm taking at least a day off of shadow-work. The last time I was this overloaded was three years ago, when the Morrighan and who knows who or what else (and life in general) were handing me so many curveballs that I was this overloaded 24/7. I used to describe it like a pressure cooker full of stew that, when 100% capacity was reached, had 2-7% of the steam let off, wash rinse repeat...except on occasion someone would forget to let off the steam for too long and it'd explode and the scalding hot stew would spew all over the kitchen and everyone in it. Picture that that pressure cooker and the stew (getting progressively more mooshy and akin to goopy mashed potatoes the longer this goes on) is my brain. And then picture that the people letting off the fractional percentages of steam (and unfortunately then getting covered in exploding goo) are the few people I can handle talking to while I'm at that point. It's rather apt. Back then I was doing this 24/7 without much of a conscious choice in the matter, and while yes, technically a person CAN live like that, it's not healthy, it's not safe, and with me it means that if it goes on too long I cease to be functional or stable. Therefore, break. The part of my brain that has a major failure complex has not accepted that I will need three months with Silver (at this rate I might with Red, too, but that remains to be seen), but it's certain at this point that I will. I still have a long way to go and I will need far more than two weeks/however much is left of this moon cycle.

Now, that being said, things haven't all been fail, not even with Silver. He seemed to be afraid that I would run from Him permanently because of the hell I needed/need to deal with for His task, but I've never had any intention of that. I...tend to face the biggest challenges head on, with more fervour than the "lesser" ones, for better or worse, and I've never accepted failure as an option. I will, eventually, succeed in His task, and that means not running from Him. That is simply all there is to it. I mentioned the silver bracelet I was gifted with before I dropped off the face of the planet, and that does indeed reside on the Color's altar when I'm not wearing it. It is now a comfortable (and comforting) reminder of both Him and my elvan heritage. (Yes, the irony that it's a bracelet strikes me, given the content of the books, but I didn't exactly CHOOSE the type of jewelry. :P)

Red being around (even though currently one of the downsides of things is that while my non-mundane senses are functioning, the body's aren't, and I have to work around and through that, which is basically like trying to work through a morning swamp fog) means that my artist switch, amongst others, is going THROUGH THE ROOF. Lessee...

-I got paid in full up front by the bio-uncle for the Christening Gowns I'm making, and I now have all the materials I need to sew them....except for the elastic and buttons (which I forgot to buy) and my giant box of quilting pins (which apparently disappeared in the move from Denver to Colorado Springs? and thus needs replacing. BAH), which will be picked up on Saturday, along with dropping off applications at JoAnn's, Souper Salad, and Michael's.

-Apparently we have picked up cross-stitch (with intent to move into hand-embroidery, since we have a "basic how-to" book on each) as a hobby. O.o What's even stranger (to me), is that I'm really enjoying it. See, the bio-mother taught us to cross-stitch when we were a child, and at the time we just could not pick it up. Not enough patience, not the right kinds of pretty pictures, whatever. Now, after years and years of thinking that I hate the art, I come out front to find that on top of the materials for the christening gowns we've picked up a metric ton of embroidery floss as well as two beginner books, some basic supplies, and a small 5x7 pre-packed cross-stitch kit. O.o Now, getting cross-stitch things WAS in the plans, as I am ending up cross-stitching the symbols to be added to the bodices of my cousin's gowns, but the rest of it was NOT in the plans. Then I come home, fight with the (small) piece of cloth in the kit and the (less small) hoop for ages, finally get it started, and find myself addicted. The shit? O.o Hey, whatever works. (Actually, there is a probability that there will be much more to it soon enough, but until I can actually be sure enough to say anything it stays My Eebil Sekrit (tm).)

-I have resigned myself to the fact that while we will still be aiming for NDK this year, it is likely far more feasible a thought to pull it off if we focus on making our black/chain dance gear wearable instead of trying to create a whole different set of garb. Reason being, we already have most if not all of what we need to achieve the next stage in wearing said black/chain dance gear, if we can only FIND it. Therefore, my brain's been going on how exactly I want to spruce up our dance gear. I can haz ideas. It will require getting our fabric (and harem pants, if we didn't have the presence of mind to pack them. O.x) back from Choriss, but that should be easily feasible. We're trying to do that whole friends thing anyway. I just wish I could find the rest of our aluminum chain...

-I am still working on the gift-portrait for non-DW friend of mine. It's actually coming along charmingly, though it will of course need some fine tuning once I'm done. There's stylized knotwork around the edges, and the entire thing's in pencil. I have to clean up smudges and spruce up the shading. I'm very much enjoying this, and I'm thinking I'll probably start another one once I'm finished. I'd actually love to get a sketchbook for this purpose, but I'm not entirely sure if I want to invest in one-I'm not sure if I'd USE it all.

-Cooking. :D I have the utter glee of living with a boyfriend who spoils me rotten with praise of my cooking, and better yet, praise that is actually meant. *heh* He tries a bit too hard not to injure my chef's ego, I think, when I make a dish that's less than perfect, probably thinking I'll go boom or waily on him (not so, since he's polite about it, though it IS a bit much). But either way it means that I'm very much enjoying cooking again now, instead of living with Choriss when cooking was putting bunches of energy into meals to have him robotically get food, shovel it into his mouth mostly unthinking, and zombie back into his pixels. Any domestic anything I did was taken for granted by Choriss; not so with [personal profile] magelvh77 . Even if he doesn't say anything I can see and feel his notice and often enough appreciation of it, and that's WHEN he doesn't say anything-he often does. Cooking and being domestic is actually enjoyable when the other person in the area actually appreciates the efforts.

I'm still having trouble finding out how to complete the rest of Her task. How to identify lost passions and how to get them back. *sighs* It's why I'm frustrated and thinking that I'll need another month. She's frustrated too, though I'm not sure whether it's for the same reasons as I am, because I'm actually doing well and just haven't gotten it through my head yet, or for reasons I'm not aware of. Ehhhh, either way, I'll figure it out.

Oh lets see, what else. [personal profile] magelvh77  and I have developed a lovely weekend routine of going out to a few places on Saturday, even if we don't pick anything up while we're out, and going to anime nights on Sunday evenings. We rest and are either gamers or artists (both of which we both are) in between. I am a person who needs distraction and variety with my people interactions, and a certain degree of privacy and time to myself, but I'm generally finding I don't mind the day to day interaction with him. That's a first. O.o The way sleep schedules are working out while we're still job-hunting are likely helping, but I suppose we've just got more compatibility in personalities than I've experienced before. Mind you, I still need to get out and do things on my own and with other people, in time, but I'm finding my living situation rather...well, comfortable, than I'm used to. Even with the crap I'm dealing with I'm smiling and laughing more, even enough for me to notice.

On the...I still hesitate to call it the "religious" side of things, but that's close enough...the part of my life that revolves around my deities and the labyrinthian connections of my life to Them....is, so far as I can tell, decent. It's so strange, having things with Them migrate back towards...well, just basic interactions, akin to talking to Them like, you know, people and family. But that's what it is. I set some bits of meals and snacks out for Them (not every time, but more often than not) once I'm done cooking, and They certainly get some of the fire and incense from the tea-lights (sometimes scented with oil) and sticks of incense that I light, but that's a side thing, not huge amounts different than handing a plate of food to magelvh77, although I do hail Them and send the energy upward.

No, it's migrating back towards chatter/conversation, Them following me around off and on (I'm not quite visiting Them as actively as I did yet), and even the normal jibes we used to toss back and forth. Not much different than a conversation or few had in-house between family. It's pleasant for more reasons than one; most of Them do pop down on and off to keep an eye, but 90% of it's telepathic communication, which is how it used to be and which is honestly the most comfortable for me. It's not like I don't like Them being around (hence the 10-??% of Them popping down on occasion, and me going up to visit when I can, albeit that's not much lately), but the telepathy a) keeps me psychically tuned, and b) is much more efficient at keeping the connection between me and Them clear, strong, and healthy. I actually managed to tease Freyja and get an equally mocking pout in exchange for it, the other day, which if you've been paying attention is a small but major detail to note. *heh* Of course, it probably helps that it's Spring. Freyr is still Mr. Quiet, but I can sense Him lurking when I look. Eventually I'm going to nag Him like I did last year and break through that damn shell of His. I pulled it off once, I can do it again.

I'm not entirely sure to whom I'll be passed off on Monday. Sunday's my last day with Donn. He told me a solid two weeks, when I got passed off to Him, and that two weeks will be up on Sunday. Of course, like with the last two, I'm a bit sulky at having to change out (I like to have my cake and eat it too. >.>), but there's no practical sense in it. He and I have little personal things to work out (though since I'm still pulling the "I'm in several places at once" and in His place even though I'm at home, I might allow my curiosity to get the better of me and ask Him a bunch of questions regarding Him and I), and most of what He's able to do for me rest-wise has been accomplished. If I manage to be in a good spell of rest by the time Sunday night comes around, I might ask for an extra day, or a gradual pass-off, a day of limbo or some such, but that's all-the PRACTICAL use for focusing on Him is passed, and as fond of me as He is, He's a pragmatist. And besides-He's been one of the ones that's always been closeby, and He tells me He's not going anywhere through the warm season (unlike some of my other cold-season deities who hibernate in the warm). If I DO need Him, He's there. I never actually asked Him how many people He chooses, or what He looks for in them, but I get the feeling that it's not many and they're very closely watched.

On a rather personal level, I...kind of want to either make or have made a little pendant for Him. I have little tokens for all my patrons (or will, damnit), and necklaces are a favored one for me. And for more reasons than just because they're jewelry, although that's certainly part of it (I've developed a remarkably increased love of, and selectiveness with, jewelry since belonging to Freyja, especially over the past almost-two years, once She told me She wanted me wearing more jewelry and, upon me telling Her that She'd have to find me reasons for it, obliging me). For Donn, I want a leather cord/thong, with a piece of deer antler as the pendant. If the artist is skilled in small enough, I'd like there to be a small painting of an Irish (ie: not tropical) ocean, from the POV of standing on the shore.

Given a few things, in time I might be writing a bit about a couple Goddesses who've been trying to get Their hands on me for approximately two years (and now that I think about it, it took directly using two mortals for one, and using two mortals (one indirectly and one directly) for the other, to finally even get me to cave an inch). I'm not sure I will yet, to be honest, because I'm not sure what exactly I have to write. But for different reasons (or perhaps the same in the end, who knows?) neither are going anywhere, so I seem to have time. Given the fact that They are godDESSES, ie female, and given a few other factors, it's really hard for me to handle.

I don't deal well with women. Not even female-leaning androgynes. I have a really hard time trusting them, and if you're female (or, if a system, female bodied, since frustratingly I find that the estrogen tends to affect even trans-guys and/or multiple systems, albeit very little with some lucky guys), consider yourself lucky if I trust you one iota, consider yourself a rare gem if I can say "I trust you" to you. I try not to apply the bias (yep, trauma based, and it's to women in general, albeit mother-types by leaps and bounds) to people like, as mentioned, trans-guys who...aren't female, and thus really don't deserve it. But it's there, and I am ashamed to say I never succeed 100%, even if I get close. >.> Either way it makes the fact that I have two goddesses trying to tap me problematic for me and something of a huge degree of triggerfail. This without the triggerfail that I can't explain, tied to one of Them.

One of them had what I call a ditz-moment and didn't take a hint when I tried to get Her to back off, thinking that because Kushiel didn't step up to defend me (He WOULD have, mind, had I a) done what I could to get Her to respect boundaries and limits to my fullest extend and b) failed), She was perfectly ok in nagging at me and wreaking havoc in my brain. Well, when I finally snapped and had a fit at Her and informed Her that a) He lets me defend myself and will only step in if I literally can't defend myself (ie; deity-politics that mortals don't touch nor are aware of), or if I've defended myself to my full capability and failed (and if He judges I still need defending and don't need to deal with the drama/hell that failing at defending myself brings), and b) that She ought to cut it the fuck out and just be fucking patient, because if I'm really stuck with Her then She has time...and She picked Epically Shitty Timing to nag at me.

She stopped, and backed off, after that. She, uh, is one of [personal profile] magelvh77 's patrons, so She's always in the house, and I can't get out of dealing with Her in that wise, but I've been dealing with Her to that degree for some time at this point since I'm dating him. And at least She's not pushing for more than that with me personally. She's a sun goddess, and rather nurturing and good-hearted, even if (IME) She's rather vain and loooooves Her shinies. I don't believe that She intended me that much hell, and Her backing off when it finally sunk in why I was resisting Her so much instead of taking the route of "Oh, well, tough shit, you need to learn to deal, so deal, you're mine" like some others have...backs that up. *sighs* And, yeah, I'll probably have to deal with Her soon enough. Just...not yet. I've got too much on my plate right now to handle that kind of brain-strain.

The other one's less kind and far more catalystic, but seems also to have my well-being in order, because She's been following me around for a few days (which I only found out by accidentally picking up on Her chatting with Athena-and Their voices are nigh identical in my head-while I was talking with said Athena), but barely enough for me to notice even now that I AM paying attention. She was far more harsh and insistent in Her year and a half minimum chase of me, up till the point that She found out that the trauma-responses to Her I was having were ones that I couldn't explain nor identify and which had nothing to do with Her personality nor mythos. She's being careful with me, which I...appreciate, though I know She wouldn't be doing it if it weren't necessary. That it's necessary I grumble at, but, what am I going to do. I can be stubborn and deal with it anyway and land myself in more hell than I need, or I can deal with the fact that I'm more fragile than I'd like with Her. The date for Her showing up matches what I was told to expect, but I suppose now that She's here She's waiting until I can handle it before She starts actively interacting with me.

And....that's been the two weeks, in a nutshell. Sorry for the long update of probably tl;dr long, but...two weeks, and all.

So yeah, I'm back, or at least a little bit. If there's anything with meaty content that people want me to look at, feel free to pm or comment with links. I promise I won't think you arrogant for it. ;) I can't promise quick reading or even that I'll read the entries at all if they have meaty content, because I simply don't have THAT much brainpower yet, I don't think.

Oh, also? [personal profile] charcoalfeathers ? I got your cookies and your note. DEFINITELY fae-cookies, they triggered an Alfar shift. :D I'm already over halfway through the dozen and a half, and they are MARVELOUS. ^.^ Thanks so much for the egg substitute and raw sugar, by the way. *g* That really made my day, and I just about died of the warm fuzzies in the note. I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner!  <3333

-Ta'eris

danceofflame_import: (Default)
Oh yeah, before I go, anyone have any good Donn icons or stock? 

*hunts around over my headmate's shoulders*

-Ta'eris
danceofflame_import: (Dragon)
**I got eliminated in LJ Idol this week, so all further entries for Idol will be Home Game only, and this story is no longer bound solely to that competition.**

Links for the last three chapters:
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stared, still and silent with some un-named emotion, at the dragon. Being too large to fit in the doorway large, purple, and winged, he was in his humanoid form. He wore a strange expression, and I struggled to understand it. It was happiness, mixed with pain, sorrow, guilt…and gratitude, I was surprised to find. He had tears shining in his eyes, and I did not think them merely of sadness. I had forgotten about his telepathy…and wondered how long he had been listening out of sight, and was afraid to think it. It seemed there was much of that in my mind lately…fear. I dared to ask him as much, though my voice wasn’t as defiant as I wished. I moved to sit up, facing away from the Shadowsong. I wanted a better visage to face this gentleman, who I was still instinctively quite formal with. The Shadowsong begrudgingly allowed me to move, knowing my preferences, but he arranged himself in a half-propped position behind me. He had his hand on my leg, not restraining me, but just enough to make it clear that the warning in his face still stood. I was confused at his blatant protection of me-did he not just tell me that the dragon was safe?-but I kept silent. Had he wanted it spoken, he would have done so himself.

Moar. )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
danceofflame_import: (Dragon)
LJ Idol Week Five: Afterthought

“Rori…” I said his name in my sleep.

The face of the huge nigh-black dragon drifted through my half-sleeping mind, full of fangs, soundlessly roaring at me. And then it changed, shifting to the human-looking face, oddly ethereal and not un-lovely, concerned black eyes looking down at me as I woke. His lips moved, slowly, and drew my attention…they mouthed a silent phrase, which I could not read, and then the images in my mind slowly faded to the deep black of peaceful sleep.

Moar.  )

**This entry was written for LJ Idol**
danceofflame_import: (Dragon)
"Aftermath"

"Have you lost your way?
Livin' in the shadow of the messes that you made
And so it goes
Everything inside your circle starts to overflow
Take a step before you leap
Into the colours that you seek
You'll get back what you give away
So don't look back on yesterday

Wanna scream out
No more hiding
Don't be afraid of what's inside
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright
In the Aftermath
Anytime anybody pulls you down
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed
Just remember you are not alone
In the Aftermath

You feel the weight
Of lies and contradictions that you live with every day
It's not too late
Think of what can be if you rewrite the role you play
Take a step before you leap
Into the colours that you seek
You give back what you give away
So don't look back on yesterday

Wanna scream out
No more hiding
Don't be afraid of what's inside
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright
In the Aftermath
Anytime anybody pulls you down
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed
Just remember you are not alone
In the Aftermath
In the Aftermath

Before you break you have to she'd your armor
Take a trip and fall into the glitter
Tell a stranger that they're beautiful
So all you feel is love, love
All you feel is love, love

Wanna scream out
No more hiding
Don't be afraid of what's inside
Wanna tell you you'll be alright
In the Aftermath

Wanna scream out
No more hiding
Don't be afraid of what's inside
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright
In the Aftermath

Anytime anybody pulls you down
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed
Just remember you are not alone
In the Aftermath
In the Aftermath
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright
In the Aftermath
In the Aftermath
Just remember you are not alone
In the Aftermath"

-Adam Lambert

I don't talk about what's in my head. Never, unless I cannot avoid it. Lyrics do so much better.

These are much more optimistic than what I feel.

Maybe They're right, maybe I am ready.

Bring it.

-Ta'eris

danceofflame_import: (Dragon)
“LOVE!” I swept into the Brown‘s door, cloak and still-damp gown flowing, flushed and heated from my stalking walk home. My eyes were flashing, and I was still struggling to wrap my head around what had just happened during my bath. If anyone knew who that had been, it would be the Brown. He handled most of the entries into the Inn; he must know who the dragon was!

“Mmm?” He leaned back in the chair he was working in to peer at me inquiringly from around the doorway. I could smell the ink he was using-he must have been working-and I felt a bit guilty for interrupting him. I gave him a sheepish grin, and was about to apologize, but the smug, impish smirk on his face removed any incentive I had for that…and now I wore a look of suspicion, in place of the guilt. Two smug males, both wearing the same exact smirk, in one day? I couldn’t help wondering if he already knew what I was about to present him with…but I couldn’t smell the dragon anywhere nearby, so I could not think how he would.

I shook my head. No matter. I spun off my cloak, hung it on one of the hooks near the door and whipped around, ignoring the pointed smirk he gave me when my speed dislodged my dress a bit too much. I put my hands on my hips, eyes flashing, hair mussed, daring him to comment on the gown when I had more important matters at hand. “Do you have any idea if there are any purple shape-shifting dragons in the Inn?”

Cut simply for length. )

**This entry was written for LJ Idol**
danceofflame_import: (Fox-woman)
Cut for your eyes, not (as much) for triggers this time. )

**This entry was written for LJ Idol**
danceofflame_import: (Fox-woman)
Deconstructed. Warning for possible triggers. )

**This entry was written for LJ Idol**
danceofflame_import: (LJ Idol)
I sat, looking across my desk at my twin sister. We were speaking of the recent betrayal in the family…had just found out that the contamination to the nodes underneath her home, and mine, was ordered by one who had been loved as family by us. I watched the gathering folk some fifty-odd feet behind her, all dressed in the same familiar black leather that hung in my closet behind me. She couldn’t see them, of course, she was lounging in her own chair, merely watching my face. The one now acting against us, thanks to a perceived slight, had been my fiancee, and I was reeling from it. The gentleman lurking behind her and watching us both had followed my gaze the moment it left desk, and flickered over my sister’s face, and I nodded to the yard behind her.

“There will be war for this.”

Cut for bulk, and for the triggers I know are applicable. )

**This entry was written for LJ Idol.**
danceofflame_import: (LJ Idol)
Cool water slipped off my fingers, the scents of many flowers and herbs permeated the air, the sweeping trees rained their falling blossoms on the water and my hair. I smiled, and waded deeper into the cool pool I sought solitude in. This place was healing to me, welcoming after the trial I had just faced. I was clad in nothing more than a light flowing white linen gown, a bathing gown reminiscent both of my Grecian ties and my elvan heritage. I was not modest tonight, I feared no intrusion, and the gown in question scarcely covered my breasts and back, though its skirt was long. The woods of this place had a way about them…rarely did any intruder unwanted by the grove keeper reach their destination unharmed. And so I sank into the pool, breathing in the scents of the place.

As I lay, I braided the night blooming jasmine into some fallen wisps of the flowering weeping tree, and added in sprigs of the herbs nearby, to form a long rope. I was careful with my choices, and it was rare that I took of the plants of this place. I never did so for pure pleasure; I planned to use this rope for a couple who had a handfasting soon to come. And I sang in my native Elvish language to the grove, softly thanking them for sheltering me once again.

A soft chuckle floated through the back of my mind, a rough dusky Irish brogue, and I sent a smile back where it came. My deities usually watched me here. They rarely saw me at peace. I finished my song of thanks, and the rope with it, but started singing again. I was unusually vocal tonight, and I hoped to craft something of it. The works I made here were always unique amongst all their fellows. But I must have slipped asleep in the water, because my song was cut off mid-note when I was jerked awake by the sense of someone unknown approaching me. I was alone unarmed, unarmored, and effectively naked in a pool of water.

Cut for bulk. )
**This entry was written for LJ Idol**

Quickie.

Oct. 31st, 2010 02:07 pm
danceofflame_import: (Owned)
*This will be crossposted to the system journal.*

Alright everyone, I don't have much time, but I needed to post some quick things.

The internet we thought we'd be able to use while we are at the new apartment is no longer available, it seems. So, this means a few things.

One: LJ Idol will get VERY INTERESTING. I am thinking of getting shadows_of_pyre and crew to read me the topic list every week so that I can write it in time to get it posted on Wednesday, which is likely when I'll have any internet time to post or to read/comment. To all of you idolers who are reading this, I apologize in advance if I do not get to comment to or read all entries. I will make every effort to read and comment to as many as possible (made easier when they're public posts, which I can access from my phone-web, unless the journal in question has a setup that my phone rejects, which will mean that I can't read or thus comment to the posts from the journal in question), and I'll be using that spreadsheet (hopefully I can get it in an offline version, which will make it much more accessible) to keep track. I am going to make a concerted effort to stay in Idol as long as humanly possible, and if I get eliminated due to internet problems, I'm going to continue playing the Home Game as much as I possibly can. All idolers may feel free to friend me for idol purposes, but be warned: All you will see are my public (currently, Idol only) posts, and it is very likely all of said posts will become friends only at the end of the season. And I will not friend back unless I want to keep up interactions with you outside of Idol, which means long term.

Two: Contact will be difficult. I get email on my phone, but that's the best I can do. I can reply, but you will likely be receiving a series of shorter emails from me thanks to character limits. If this is alright with people, feel free to use the email. IM will be almost certainly out of the question until we get internet of our own, because frankly I doubt I'll have the time to use it in the rare times I am able to borrow the brother's internet. Twitter will remain a viable option for those of you who I follow on mobile, those of you whom I don't...well, apologies. I'll go through the list and edit it to include more people, but all the same. Keep in mind also that my phone has a habit of, when overloaded with tweets, mysteriously skipping over them when I open the thread. I don't know why, but it may mean I miss a tweet. Simple as that.

Three: I will be, despite all this, trying to get online once and if I can twice a week. But it will likely not be more than that. Fair warning.

I had a longer list than that, but I think I included everything. I am going nuts with preparations for Samhain, which is today and which we will be leaving for shortly, so my apologies. See you all as soon as I can, as I can.

-Ta'eris
danceofflame_import: (Owned)
I've had a few people friend and request friending already, so I figured this would be an apt post.

I do not mind being friended, and I don't need to be notified. However, if you're going to do so, please keep in mind that I will likely not add back unless I'm very, VERY comfortable with you, which will likely be later on down the season if  you're an Idoler (which is who this is geared towards), and/or if I don't know you beforehand. As mentioned in my intro, I am a very paranoid person, so please don't be offended if I don't add back. I admit to being rather callous about such things, it's my journal and if you can't deal with the tightness and the paranoia you shouldn't be wanting into the more private parts of it. Harsh, but true. I'm eloquent and can be known to be polite and lovely but I am at the same time not very nice, not by "normal" standards.

Also-I very strongly suggest and request that you read both my profile and my introduction (that at least will likely remain public after season even if I decide later on to friends lock the other posts) before adding me. There's information in both that  anyone reading my journal will simply need to deal with, which may be controversial, and which I'm simply not willing to deal with flaming for. If I misjudge and for whatever reason, flaming or otherwise, become uncomfortable with the people I acquire on the f-list, I'll remove them from said f-list. And if it's due to flaming or any other kind of abuse, I will gladly use the ban-hammer. If it's a simple de-"friending" and not a ban, I'll post a post with "did some f-list cleanup, here's why, PM me if you have questions", and you can generally assume it's general discomfort or overcluttering or clean out of what I don't read as much as I should. But if it's a ban, generally you can assume that you were a major asshat. I don't friend, de-friend, or ban lightly, but I will still do it, so keep this in mind when adding me.

I currently don't use filters, but there is at least one leg of my life which I will most likely make a filter for, for the privacies of the others who interact with that leg of my life. If I make that filter, I won't really announce it, and please don't ask to be on it. It's not intended as an insult-it's intended to secure the privacy of a very personal and private part of my life that I would simply forget if I did not write it down.
danceofflame_import: (Owned)
"Of course some folks end up finding this to be extremely difficult."

I quote Gary, from the week 0 topic post. He may not really know how apt this statement really is.

I am, as a rule, a private, paranoid woman of paradoxes. I am so used to condemnation, discrimination, and betrayal that the idea of a public post available to people with a mere single common tie has me shuddering as if I've had a bucket of spiders dumped on my arachnophobic head. Delve into single memories to form a creation of hopefully well-phrased eloquence? Share experiences that, while private, give only a little insight to myself? This I can do without fear. I can stay hidden in my metaphorical shadows, I remain unknown. But give a summary of my being? Try and explain the complexity that is myself in one general writing, all too easy to set myself up for prejudices, misconceptions, misunderstandings which I may never be able to successfully untangle..even had I the desire? No...oh no. That is a whole new can of worms, and unlike the boy in the book, I don't care for eating them on a dare. And I've heard horror stories from my year of lurking last season, some pieces of my identity may or may not get me persecuted just like the others. But I signed up for this, did I not? 

Curiosity will kill the cat. Nine lives is all I've got, and I've already used up some of those.

I am, first and foremost, a firey, obstinate, stubborn bitch. Or, if you met me on the street, that is likely what you'd think. I am certainly all of those. I am a fire-woman, a fire-dancer. A pyrokinetic shifter of forms, I exude my element. I am passionate in everything about my life. Intense as an inferno, condensed as the core of St Helens, but you'd never know it, never see it. Not unless you could convince me enough to let you find me at the center of my labyrinth.

For hidden I remain, watching and lurking from the shadows, ever waiting. You may never know it's me, flitting just beyond your senses, curious to see whether or not you'll turn to look and see me there. For I am a dancer, a Walker, a tailor and designer, a musician and singer, a healer, guardian, leader, and warrior, and I have scars to bear for this. Each tell a story, if you can read them right, but not just anyone I'll allow near enough to see the words. I am an artist, a creator by trade and nature, one who has paid for the gift, but who would expect me to bring this to the corners of the worlds I do?

Of religion, family, and duty I can say very little. The worlds are simply too fluid to say where one ends and the other begins, and who am I to think I can? They all intertwine and fan out to their own corners of the web. My religion includes my family, my family includes my religion, I have duty and loyalty to the both. These three things are my life, the three places I can focus my passion into, the three places I may prove my worth and use, they are my reason for existing. But I can never truly define them, ever different and ever the same they three remain. 

These words say everything and nothing. They give the seeds to find everything at the core of who I am, and yet they will never be grown if you care not to till the earth and sow them as need be. Best of luck to you all in this season...and for those small few who I may have intrigued enough to set foot inside the door, may you remain ever curious, ever intrigued, and ever well while you tread the winding ways.

LJ Idol

Oct. 25th, 2010 06:34 pm
danceofflame_import: (Lightning)
Well, I may have gone insane, because in my most depressive time of the year in the middle of a paradigm shift I have decided that I will be attempting my first season in LJ Idol.

If I do not complete it, so be it, at least I can say that I've given it a go and have some good pieces of writing to show for it.

Here goes nothing.
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