danceofflame_import: (Owned)
[personal profile] danceofflame_import
"Of course some folks end up finding this to be extremely difficult."

I quote Gary, from the week 0 topic post. He may not really know how apt this statement really is.

I am, as a rule, a private, paranoid woman of paradoxes. I am so used to condemnation, discrimination, and betrayal that the idea of a public post available to people with a mere single common tie has me shuddering as if I've had a bucket of spiders dumped on my arachnophobic head. Delve into single memories to form a creation of hopefully well-phrased eloquence? Share experiences that, while private, give only a little insight to myself? This I can do without fear. I can stay hidden in my metaphorical shadows, I remain unknown. But give a summary of my being? Try and explain the complexity that is myself in one general writing, all too easy to set myself up for prejudices, misconceptions, misunderstandings which I may never be able to successfully untangle..even had I the desire? No...oh no. That is a whole new can of worms, and unlike the boy in the book, I don't care for eating them on a dare. And I've heard horror stories from my year of lurking last season, some pieces of my identity may or may not get me persecuted just like the others. But I signed up for this, did I not? 

Curiosity will kill the cat. Nine lives is all I've got, and I've already used up some of those.

I am, first and foremost, a firey, obstinate, stubborn bitch. Or, if you met me on the street, that is likely what you'd think. I am certainly all of those. I am a fire-woman, a fire-dancer. A pyrokinetic shifter of forms, I exude my element. I am passionate in everything about my life. Intense as an inferno, condensed as the core of St Helens, but you'd never know it, never see it. Not unless you could convince me enough to let you find me at the center of my labyrinth.

For hidden I remain, watching and lurking from the shadows, ever waiting. You may never know it's me, flitting just beyond your senses, curious to see whether or not you'll turn to look and see me there. For I am a dancer, a Walker, a tailor and designer, a musician and singer, a healer, guardian, leader, and warrior, and I have scars to bear for this. Each tell a story, if you can read them right, but not just anyone I'll allow near enough to see the words. I am an artist, a creator by trade and nature, one who has paid for the gift, but who would expect me to bring this to the corners of the worlds I do?

Of religion, family, and duty I can say very little. The worlds are simply too fluid to say where one ends and the other begins, and who am I to think I can? They all intertwine and fan out to their own corners of the web. My religion includes my family, my family includes my religion, I have duty and loyalty to the both. These three things are my life, the three places I can focus my passion into, the three places I may prove my worth and use, they are my reason for existing. But I can never truly define them, ever different and ever the same they three remain. 

These words say everything and nothing. They give the seeds to find everything at the core of who I am, and yet they will never be grown if you care not to till the earth and sow them as need be. Best of luck to you all in this season...and for those small few who I may have intrigued enough to set foot inside the door, may you remain ever curious, ever intrigued, and ever well while you tread the winding ways.
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Date: 2010-10-27 08:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well, hey, always glad for another Maker/Walker/Seeker in the mix.

Best of luck in the game. Looking forward to it.

Date: 2010-10-27 08:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*grin* Myself as well. I'm not used to seeing many around.

Likewise. :) It's my first attempt at "people can actually SEE THIS STUFF", so we'll see how it goes, on my end at least.

Date: 2010-10-27 09:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Welcome ! I really identify with fire too.

Date: 2010-10-27 09:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you! And it's nice to see another fire person around. :)

Date: 2010-10-27 09:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's very hard to just let people in when you are used to keeping things all bottled up. I understand. It is why I often feel like I don't belong. Welcome to Idol, I hope it goes well for you.

Date: 2010-10-27 09:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's kind of backward with me. I was used to being social and fairly open about things, but that didn't go so well. Thus, the labyrinthe of walls was erected, and I have rather high standards for who is allowed behind them.

And, thank you. :) I do as well.

Date: 2010-10-27 10:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This is a really nice intro, very eloquent.
Edited Date: 2010-10-27 10:48 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-10-28 12:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you! :)

Date: 2010-10-27 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I love everything you said about being private, worrying about being persecuted, and especially the line about the labyrinth. Hello and good luck. :)

Date: 2010-10-28 12:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you very much. :) And the same to you. Pleasure to meet you.

Date: 2010-10-27 11:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hello and good luck :)

Date: 2010-10-28 12:25 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-10-27 11:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I personally think you need only show the parts of yourself that you want to show. Then again, that in itself can be telling...

Date: 2010-10-28 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Exactly....and that, that is the catch right there. ;)
(deleted comment)

Date: 2010-10-28 12:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I wouldn't mind. Make sure you read my profile though...I likely won't be quite what you expect.

And you as well. :) Thank you.

Date: 2010-10-28 01:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I really liked this. I read you all of the time, but this had a different kind of style. I'm glad to see it.

Date: 2010-10-28 01:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
:) It's what happens when I write to write instead of just writing what's in my head. I like doing this, but it's not often I have juice in the brain for it. I like me my prompts.

Thank you. :)

Date: 2010-10-28 02:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yeah, i'm a little nervous about public posting too.


Date: 2010-10-28 02:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I have this thing with being known. I don't like it too much, and so I generally tend to have pretty high standards for being willing to expose myself. That...uh, sort of goes out the window with that whole "public" thing.

Nice to meet you. :)

Date: 2010-10-29 01:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ahahaha...apt. :) Very apt.

Date: 2010-10-28 04:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Look forward to reading you. Always good to not know how many of those lives we've used up.

Date: 2010-10-29 01:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Likewise. :), well, yes-until you've used them up. Then life's full of "OH SHIT!".

Date: 2010-10-28 04:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I don't much care for eating worms, either.

Date: 2010-10-29 01:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Nah...they don't taste too good.

Date: 2010-10-28 05:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I can see you're going to be a force to be reckoned with! Welcome aboard!

Date: 2010-10-29 01:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm not entirely sure how to respond to that, but, er, thank you? I'm a tad flattered, though I'm not sure if that's an apt response.

I look forward to it. :) Thank you.

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From: [identity profile] - Date: 2010-10-29 01:18 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] - Date: 2010-10-29 01:30 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-10-28 03:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I just try to think "screw you, you're not important to me or my life" to most people who might condemn me. You can't please everyone. Having said that, most of my LJ is friends only, and I only come out with stuff publicly for Idol. And the best thing about being honest in Idol is making friends who don't judge you for the things that others might condemn you for. You don't have to open up to everything right away, or even at all, but stay in competition long enough, you might find yourself sharing things you never expected to. I know I did last season.

Date: 2010-10-29 12:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yeah, I do that most days...aside from that there's an allotted level of myself that I present as a standard. The people who don't get beyond that level, though, can never hope to know me. My LJ's friends only also, and before this the only public posts had been the FO posts. I'm not sure yet whether or not I'll friends lock idol posts, but the seasons far too early to tell there. I'm sure that'll happen always does, when I decide to throw caution to the wind like this. :)

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] - Date: 2010-10-29 01:00 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-10-28 05:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Welcome, I love the way you wrote your entry, very intense.

Date: 2010-10-29 12:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*smiles* Thank you. I AM certainly that. I'm looking forward to the season, thus far.

Date: 2010-10-28 09:39 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-10-29 12:52 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-10-29 01:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You have a remarkable gift with words. I hope it takes you far this season.

I'd love to add you to the flist, as you seem like a fascinating person, one I would very much enjoy getting to know.

Date: 2010-10-29 01:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Feel free to add. I won't add back-yet-because I usually wait to see how I like people before I do, but I don't mind adds. :) However, I'd suggest taking a look at my profile too, if you haven't yet. There's info there that isn't in the intro that you could probably use. Hmm, I think I should post an adding policy...

Date: 2010-10-29 05:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Welcome! Honestly, sharing some private things last LJI season was the bloody hardest thing I've ever done.

But sometimes the payoff is worth it.

The fascinating thing with the internet is that our words is all that we are, thus we reinvent ourself every time we put our fingers to the keyboard.

Also, just so you know, I'm friending you.

Date: 2010-10-29 06:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
See, singular, private things? That I can do. It's the general overviews that freak me out. I managed to write this one cryptically enough to handle my paranoia, though, so I suppose it's well enough. ;)

Sometimes the payoff IS worth it. My paranoia comes from the times it's not, and frankly from training.

Feel free. If you didn't see it though, I suggest you take a peek at my friending policy and then my profile.

Date: 2010-10-30 03:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I thought you might like to know that you're not alone in feeling really wary about this.

You're interesting. I'm looking forward to reading your entries.

Date: 2010-10-30 03:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
After reading all the intros (just finished the last one...! Though I didn't manage to brain comments to everyone. >.>), I now realize this. It's vaguely reassuring.

Thank you. I certainly strive to be unique.

Date: 2010-10-30 05:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
There is so much that intrigues me here, and so well said, too. I'm a child of air and water myself...but I prefer to stoke and boil, not to snuff or quash. :)

Well met, and I look forward to learning more.

Date: 2010-10-30 06:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
^_^ Thank you, very much. Ah, another air-water child...I tend to get along well with them. See, I am fire. But I get along well with most of the other elements. Fire cannot subsist without air-it is fuel-and so I am addicted to the wind. I am three days from being a triple Taurus, and for this and other reasons I am as often like lava, enflamed earth and rock, as I am like the fire of flame itself. And for whatever odd reason, I have a strange affinity with water. I blame it on the chaos connections-I've always seen that whole "raw beginning chaos" as thick churning water. For whatever reason, air-water children are the ones I gel with the most outside the fellow fire-types.

Well met indeed! And hehehe, thank you.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] - Date: 2010-10-31 06:56 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] - Date: 2010-10-31 08:58 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-10-30 02:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I have to say this was a very entertaing read, and I was equally intrigued. I think your style flows in a way simlar to a flame consuming a candle. The gradual transitions flow like dance. This should be fun!

Date: 2010-10-30 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*laughs* I'm glad. I can't say it's bad for me to be certainly is something I'm good at. And thank you, very much. :) That's quite a compliment.

Date: 2010-10-30 02:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Whatta Intro! Waiting for more for sure.

Date: 2010-10-30 06:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you. ^.^ I'm hoping to be around for a while.

Date: 2010-10-30 05:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Nice intro. Welcome.

Date: 2010-10-30 06:22 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-10-30 08:53 pm (UTC)
kjata: tales from the borderlands (Default)
From: [personal profile] kjata
Very artful piece. I like it that you are very upfront about being wary of posting bits of yourself public-- very honest, very true.

Good luck this season-- I'll be pulling for you :D

Date: 2010-10-31 08:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you, very much! I try to be honest about things. Even if I don't explain OMGEVERYTHING, I try to be as honest and clear as I can without giving away or hiding too much.

Thank you very much. :D
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