Idol Topic Week 0: Introduction

[danceofflame_import]

"Of course some folks end up finding this to be extremely difficult."

I quote Gary, from the week 0 topic post. He may not really know how apt this statement really is.

I am, as a rule, a private, paranoid woman of paradoxes. I am so used to condemnation, discrimination, and betrayal that the idea of a public post available to people with a mere single common tie has me shuddering as if I've had a bucket of spiders dumped on my arachnophobic head. Delve into single memories to form a creation of hopefully well-phrased eloquence? Share experiences that, while private, give only a little insight to myself? This I can do without fear. I can stay hidden in my metaphorical shadows, I remain unknown. But give a summary of my being? Try and explain the complexity that is myself in one general writing, all too easy to set myself up for prejudices, misconceptions, misunderstandings which I may never be able to successfully untangle..even had I the desire? No...oh no. That is a whole new can of worms, and unlike the boy in the book, I don't care for eating them on a dare. And I've heard horror stories from my year of lurking last season, some pieces of my identity may or may not get me persecuted just like the others. But I signed up for this, did I not? 

Curiosity will kill the cat. Nine lives is all I've got, and I've already used up some of those.

I am, first and foremost, a firey, obstinate, stubborn bitch. Or, if you met me on the street, that is likely what you'd think. I am certainly all of those. I am a fire-woman, a fire-dancer. A pyrokinetic shifter of forms, I exude my element. I am passionate in everything about my life. Intense as an inferno, condensed as the core of St Helens, but you'd never know it, never see it. Not unless you could convince me enough to let you find me at the center of my labyrinth.

For hidden I remain, watching and lurking from the shadows, ever waiting. You may never know it's me, flitting just beyond your senses, curious to see whether or not you'll turn to look and see me there. For I am a dancer, a Walker, a tailor and designer, a musician and singer, a healer, guardian, leader, and warrior, and I have scars to bear for this. Each tell a story, if you can read them right, but not just anyone I'll allow near enough to see the words. I am an artist, a creator by trade and nature, one who has paid for the gift, but who would expect me to bring this to the corners of the worlds I do?

Of religion, family, and duty I can say very little. The worlds are simply too fluid to say where one ends and the other begins, and who am I to think I can? They all intertwine and fan out to their own corners of the web. My religion includes my family, my family includes my religion, I have duty and loyalty to the both. These three things are my life, the three places I can focus my passion into, the three places I may prove my worth and use, they are my reason for existing. But I can never truly define them, ever different and ever the same they three remain. 

These words say everything and nothing. They give the seeds to find everything at the core of who I am, and yet they will never be grown if you care not to till the earth and sow them as need be. Best of luck to you all in this season...and for those small few who I may have intrigued enough to set foot inside the door, may you remain ever curious, ever intrigued, and ever well while you tread the winding ways.

Comments

[alephz.livejournal.com]

Well, hey, always glad for another Maker/Walker/Seeker in the mix.

Best of luck in the game. Looking forward to it.

[majesticarky.livejournal.com]

Welcome ! I really identify with fire too.

[med-kitty.livejournal.com]

It's very hard to just let people in when you are used to keeping things all bottled up. I understand. It is why I often feel like I don't belong. Welcome to Idol, I hope it goes well for you.

[lilyinchains.livejournal.com]

This is a really nice intro, very eloquent.

[antianhedonia.livejournal.com]

I love everything you said about being private, worrying about being persecuted, and especially the line about the labyrinth. Hello and good luck. :)

[playmoby.livejournal.com]

Hello and good luck :)

[fortitudehigh.livejournal.com]

I personally think you need only show the parts of yourself that you want to show. Then again, that in itself can be telling...

[oldscratchx.livejournal.com]

I really liked this. I read you all of the time, but this had a different kind of style. I'm glad to see it.

[alphaloria.livejournal.com]

Yeah, i'm a little nervous about public posting too.

Hello!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_rabidwombat_/]

[isis-lives.livejournal.com]

Look forward to reading you. Always good to not know how many of those lives we've used up.

[cheshire23.livejournal.com]

I don't much care for eating worms, either.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

I can see you're going to be a force to be reckoned with! Welcome aboard!

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

I just try to think "screw you, you're not important to me or my life" to most people who might condemn me. You can't please everyone. Having said that, most of my LJ is friends only, and I only come out with stuff publicly for Idol. And the best thing about being honest in Idol is making friends who don't judge you for the things that others might condemn you for. You don't have to open up to everything right away, or even at all, but stay in competition long enough, you might find yourself sharing things you never expected to. I know I did last season.

[teenagewitch.livejournal.com]

Welcome, I love the way you wrote your entry, very intense.

[lawchicky.livejournal.com]

Welcome!

[solstice-singer.livejournal.com]

You have a remarkable gift with words. I hope it takes you far this season.

I'd love to add you to the flist, as you seem like a fascinating person, one I would very much enjoy getting to know.

[rattsu.livejournal.com]

Welcome! Honestly, sharing some private things last LJI season was the bloody hardest thing I've ever done.

But sometimes the payoff is worth it.

The fascinating thing with the internet is that our words is all that we are, thus we reinvent ourself every time we put our fingers to the keyboard.

Also, just so you know, I'm friending you.

[louiement.livejournal.com]

I thought you might like to know that you're not alone in feeling really wary about this.

You're interesting. I'm looking forward to reading your entries.

[crimsonplum.livejournal.com]

There is so much that intrigues me here, and so well said, too. I'm a child of air and water myself...but I prefer to stoke and boil, not to snuff or quash. :)

Well met, and I look forward to learning more.

[ilvack.livejournal.com]

I have to say this was a very entertaing read, and I was equally intrigued. I think your style flows in a way simlar to a flame consuming a candle. The gradual transitions flow like dance. This should be fun!

[myrna-bird.livejournal.com]

Whatta Intro! Waiting for more for sure.

[imafarmgirl.livejournal.com]

Nice intro. Welcome.

[tentaclecore]

Very artful piece. I like it that you are very upfront about being wary of posting bits of yourself public-- very honest, very true.

Good luck this season-- I'll be pulling for you :D